Hi guys,
I'm just in a funny mood and I thought I start this thread. Hopefully I don't violate any forum rules with this as some of the quotes are rather vulgar.

Luis Lopez after getting bumped:
- "Hey you're so ugly you're crackin' the sidewalk!"
- "Have you considered a LOT of plastic surgery?"

Cop on pursuit:
- "Oh sh*t, I gotta run?"
- "Put your dancin' shoes on. We're about to tango, baby!"
- "I'm so bad I kick my own a**!"

Cop after he killed someone: "Call the media. I'm a hero"

Cop arresting a ped: "Hands on head or brains on street. It's your choice".

Cop walking by: "You wanna find out how so many people fall down the stairs in my precinct?"

Fat hooker: "I would do ANYTHING - even with a**holes like you!"

Guy at the phone: "... I don't know but it hurts when I pee"

Hobo while witnessing some action: "You see? Reptilian death rays! Gotta be!"

Car driver while waiting: "Are you f**king j*rk*ng off in there?"

Edited August 9, 201411 yr by Cyron43

Hahah I love the random GTA speeches :D

 

Some I heard from traffic & peds:

 

"I'm gonna smoke it till the day I die!"

"More drama for yo mama!!" (Or something similar) From hobos;

"Move! I'm late for a swimming party."

 

*cheesy vagina's*

*My ex-wife used to light her cigarettes with her *****

*I used to light girls farts, and smoke them*

*My dogs are hot, come and eat them*

*Put these burgers in ya mouth!*

I remember once, after having arrested someone an AI Cop said, "When I get back to the station I'm going to beat you with a phonebook", he then gets ran over by a NPC police cruiser, (fatally) to which his response was "oomph!!".

"Stupid malaka!"

Hahaha
I have never heard "I used to light girls farts, and smoke them"
When does that occur?
Another one I forgot.
Cop after frisking a ped: "Either you're schizophrenic or these bank cards aren't all yours".

"Cheesy viginias". Love it when that's said

 

"Oh sh*t. I gotta get out of my car?" Well, yeah, duh?

The one I always hear when I'm going on duty is a gay ped saying "I wish this cigarette was a 3 foot glass bong!"

"Ooooo. A doughnut...... Make it large."

Fat Cop: "Move people! I just had Cluckin Bell and I need to get to a bathroom!"

NOoSE Cop: "When we get back to the station, I'm gonna beat you with a phonebook!"

State Trooper: "Dispatch! The dumbass is on foot!" or something to that effect.

"Get your Fat mother outta the trunk and move that piece of shit"

"I'm a cop, and your a dickhead!".

 

 

"Stupid."

Some of my favorite cop quotes:

 

"I'll shoot your tits off!"

"I've got a bullet aimed right for your balls, bitch!"

"One squeeze, and you'll be wearing your balls for earrings!"

"You have the right to shut the fuck up!"

"I've got eyes on chickenshit, eyes on chickenshit!"

"I will chase you from FIA to Tudor if I have to!"

 

"Surrounded by Parasites."

 

"Who wants to eat my wiener?"

 

"I don't have any bananas!"

 

"Let me repeat your message: bla bla bla blblblbl."

" The camera place is closing soon. "

 

" Come and bite this plump chihuahua meat. "

 

" Put this dog in your mouth! "

"Hey cousin it's your cousin"

 

"I think your country calls that collateral damage"

 

One of the best in my opinion is during a mission when Niko is saving Roman.

 

Roman: I don't want to die like this!

Niko: Then, how do you?

Roman: I don't know, maybe a threesome on my hundreeth birthday!

Edited July 28, 201411 yr by KetanAgrawal

I have a question: Every so often I hear something that sounds like "Itching a**hole" but I'm not sure. Could be as well Portuguese or something. Do you know whether that's meant to be English or not?

There is the Russian guy I like that says, "Faster! Or I will break some legs!"

 

The classic one, "Niko! It is your cousin! Let us go bowling!"

 

But I have a few quotes that are from someone playing GTA IV. Here they are!

 

NicolaiB:

From 1:43 "You big penis! And I don't mean that in a good way!"

 

"..let's see where the crime is. Go through the alley way. Sneaky sneaky. Crime crime." 

Then around 9;40 in the same video, "Watch me get sick air, mate! Yeaaaahhhh! Crime prevention! I didn't even crash!"

Edited July 29, 201411 yr by CRAWFORDx96