whenever i press j the secondary lights turn on then the warning then the primary last ?? how do i have this set the oppisite ?

It's supposed to do that. You can press J 3 times then press K once to only enable to primary lights.

whenever i press j the secondary lights turn on then the warning then the primary last ?? how do i have this set the oppisite ?

You can just hold ALT and press J and then the primaries will come on first. holding ALT makes the applicable options go in reverse, like the lighting switch 

You can also set it to disable secondaries at stage 3 (read the guide for how).

You can also set it to disable secondaries at stage 3 (read the guide for how).

Do you know how i tried reading it confuses the hell out of me 

Do you know how i tried reading it confuses the hell out of me 

 

Go to your ELS folder in your main directory.

 

Click 'default_config'

 

Go to the section that says [ SECL ]  and change DisableAtLstg3 = off to DisableAtLstg3 = on

 

Dave