ROCKFORD HILLS -- Citizens in the Del Perro community are celebrating the discharge of Officer Mikhail Volkner from the Mount Zonah Medical Center. Volkner, known to the community as a local legend, was injured during a shootout following a pursuit of a grey Vapid Speedo. Volkner was discharged this morning at approximately noon. Fellow Del Perro PD officer Marek Watson drove Volkner home in his car. Citizens in Del Perro can expect him to be back on the streets within the week, despite it not being humanly possible to heal that fast. Neither Ofc. Volkner, nor Ofc. Watson were able to be reached for commentary on this slow news day.